Lead Kindly Light

I am officially starting my "birth control month" tomorrow. I have to remember to pick up my pills and make the appointments I need to make.

I am already feeling the stress of it-- I have broken out in a rash on my legs and hands!

My husband and I have been praying for strength and to have the knowledge we need to make the right decisions throughout this whole process. I have been very anxious and unsettled about the possibility of losing a baby due to a multiples pregnancy (there is about a 1 in 5 chance of multiples with IVF).

I received reassurance in response to my prayer when reading the scriptures last Wednesday. I spent an hour or so taking this whole issue to the Lord and seeking His help by reading the scriptures. My friend Jennifer wisely says, "If you want to talk to the Lord, pray. If you want the Lord to talk to you, read the scriptures."

This is the answer that I got:

"For, behold, it is I that speak; behold, I am the light which shineth in darkness, and by my power I give these words unto thee. And now, verily, verily, I say unto thee, put your trust in that Spirit which leadeth to do good--yea, to do justly, to walk humbly, to judge righteously; and this is my Spirit. Verily, verily, I say unto you, I will impart unto you of my Spirit, which shall enlighten your mind, which shall fill your soul with joy. And then shall ye know, or by this shall you know, all things whatsoever you desire of me, which are pertaining unto things of righteousness, in faith believing in me that you shall receive...Wait a little longer, until you shall have my word....And then, behold, according to your desires, yea, even according to your faith shall it be done unto you. " (D&C 11:11-17)

This echoes some other advice that I received in a priesthood blessing as well as reassurances I received recently. I was struggling in mighty prayer with these same issues a few weeks ago when I went to the LDS Temple. Later that weekend I realized I had heard the hymn Lead Kindly Light three times Saturday. First as I was eating my breakfast on Saturday, it was the first song on the CD that was in my kitchen CD player. Later, I heard it in the Temple, and that night I heard it on a program on BYU TV. The words to that hymn are so appropriate to what I'm feeling right now.

I was not ever thus, nor prayed that thou shouldst leave me on.
I loved to choose my path; but now, Lead thou me on!

So I am taking my burdens to the Lord, and striving to live so that I will hear the answers when they come, and so that I will have the strength to endure through whatever is going to come. Even if it is a healthy pregnancy and baby, it is still a marathon. And if it's disappointment and sorrow, I will need the Comforter more than ever.