Singleton baby on the way

Well I am a little chagrined that I put my prediction out here on my journal yesterday because boy was I wrong. We have one tiny little baby. We have started calling the little one Squirt (but Marty can't remember Squirt and always says Sprout). Squirt is just exactly the right size for gestational age (9.2 mm), and has a heartbeat over 70 beats (per minute, I think). So baby deLannoy is so far extremely perfect (as his or her siblings have been). I suppose it's pretty easy to be perfect when you are the size of a grain of rice and suspended in a sac full of water. There's really not that much trouble you can get into.

I must admit that I was slightly disappointed that the other baby did not survive the transfer, but both Marty and I are relieved that we'll be having just one. I'm not sure our house could hold six people! We are now going to have to get serious about remodeling our basement so we can move at least one kiddo downstairs.

Update- ultrasound is tomorrow

Tomorrow is the day we find out if we are having twins or not. It seems that the consensus among people who have an opinion is that we may well be. I have a feeling that we could be as well, just based on my own intuition. So I am going to make that prediction and tomorrow we will find out for certain.

I have mixed feelings about the possibility of twins. I would be thrilled in the sense that I am really routing for both of those little embryos. However, I can see that it would be a huge challenge emotionally, physically, and financially. I don't know how we would ever afford day care for two babies (and four kids in the summer!) I am going to have to put my trust in the Lord again that he will provide the strength and means (whether we're having one or two!)

There are about 50 people waiting on pins and needles to find out. I kind of wish that we hadn't told anyone it was a possibility so that we could share this aspect if and when it were a reality. That's one thing about IVF pregnancies-- the whole world seems to live and die with whatever happens to me and my family. That's a lot of pressure. Sometimes I wish it was just Martin and me in the loop. However, I need the support and prayers of family and friends, and that's the tradeoff. I am glad to share the joy with everyone, just a little overwhelmed as I am a very private person.

As far as the pregnancy, I have been feeling okay. Nauseous, and tired, so dead tired. However, this weekend I had 3 nights in a row of early nights and late mornings, so today I am feeling pretty well. The nausea ebbs and flows throughout the day. Usually if I eat something, it seems to get better. It's worse if I am riding in the car (even driving). I've been craving fruit and veggies, especially things that are orange like peaches and yams, and I've also been craving spinach and steak. Sweet things taste better, but not candy or icecream. Although I made peanut butter cookies yesterday, and they hit a jones.

Marty has been gone for most of the last two weeks. That has been a challenge given how tired I've been feeling. But he is back now, so I'll be glad to have him around even just for moral support.

I am so fed up with shots. I've had a tough time with them, as I've been allergic to several formulations of progesterone, and the one I'm not allergic to I can't get locally, so I can't get insurance to cover it. I am counting down the days until I have no more shots-- 21 more shots as of today. That will be a total of about 70 shots for the whole experience!

Followup test today

Today I had another quantitative HCG test, and the level had risen to 567. It was supposed to be at least 476, so that is a good number.

Last night after I got the kids to bed, and Marty and I were getting ready to go to sleep, we decided to say a prayer of gratitude. We are so thankful and so hopeful. I am just so excited.

I talked to Denise at the clinic today (the nurse). She is a real character. She was telling me how excited Marty was when he talked to her the other day. He went over everything with her, and hung up, then called her back a few minutes later to go over all of it again because he couldn't remember! Denise expressed her excitement for us. It's really fun how the staff at the clinic gets involved in our outcome. I've always been really impressed with everyone on the staff.

One thing that's been interesting this time was that Marty has been the nervous wreck, and I have been much more calm and serene about the whole thing. He's the one who really wanted to initiate the IVF-- he's been waiting for me to be ready for a few years, so he was maybe more emotional about it. Now that we are pregnant, he has not shown much excitement to me, but he has to others. I'm a little confused about that, I must admit. I'm sure it will come out at some point because he is not usually able to hide his emotions for long. He's going to be a great Dad, just as he is now to Joe and Caroline.

Now we know

We are able to announce officially a BIG FAT POSITIVE!

Hooray! We will be expecting our next "little d" on or about June 10th, 2007.

On October 24th (10am) we will have an ultrasound to find out if we are talking twins or one baby. That is such an interesting experience-- the baby is about the size of a grain of rice, yet it has the beginnings of a tiny brain and a little bitty heart that beats.

I know I will be thrilled in any case, but my mother heart is secretly rooting for both babies. I felt the same about my other two IVF cycles. I'm not sure I'm cut out to be the mother of twins!

I am so grateful for the doctors, nurses, for my supportive and dear husband, and for my family and friends. Most of all I am grateful for the kind and loving guidance of a Heavenly Father. I feel that we were led and comforted and guided throughout the whole process, as we have been each time we have experienced IVF.

If you have sent us your thoughts and prayers, THANKS!

And the answer is....

No answer!

I went to the lab this morning about 9am and had my blood draw. All day I was waiting for "the call." I finally thought I had gotten it about 1:15 pm while driving with my mom to a cemetary following a family funeral. Nope, the nurse was calling to say the machine they use to process HCG tests was broken! She offered to send it over to another lab, but the two the she offered were not on my insurance. They were trying to fix the machine, but I guess did not get it done in time to get back to me today. She will call me in the AM to let me know the status, and if the machine is still broken, she will send the specimen to a lab that is on my insurance. So we wait. I have gotten a lot of phone calls today from folks who were watchfully waiting with me.

On another point, the progesterone shots I have been taking have been giving me a bad allergic reaction. I get huge red itchy welts about 2 inches across wherever I get a shot, and the itchiness wraps around both hips (I do the shots in my hips). The progesterone is really thick and has to be injected deep into the muscle. Because it is so thick, it takes quite a while to go in, and my dosage is pretty large-- double what it was for a regular IVF cycle. I read that many women in cryo cycles do not produce any progesterone at all naturally, and without the progesterone, the uterus will shed its lining even with an implanted embryo, so the progesterone is really important. The nurse is going to have the pharmacy try compounding it with cottonseed oil rather than the sesame oil they have been using. If that doesn't work, we'll try olive oil. I'm already fed up with shots but I most likely have at least 6 more weeks of shots to go, maybe longer

Despite the waiting, I feel very calm and optimistic. Today was a lovely day spent with family I had not seen for a long time. I always enjoy family funerals for that reason, especially when someone has died after a long and happy life. I love to hear about their lives and reflect on their contributions to this world. This particular service was rich in love and in family remembrances.

Waiting

I survived 5 days of bedrest. It sounds relaxing, but after 5 days of doing very little it can become very boring, especially since I was feeling fine. I did a lot of reading, some quilting, watched some movies, and even got addicted to a Nintendo DS game that should be illegal. Also, the chocolate truffles from Costco should be equally illegal.

I am hopeful that this IVF was successful. I have had several promising symptoms including profound fatigue and heartburn that went all the way up my esophagus, past my throat, and into my nose! I have started losing weight (despite being in bed eating truffles for 5 days). We will find out for certain on Wednesday.

We have had a lot of people tell us we will be having twins. My mother in law is certain, because as my father in law was dying he kept talking to "the twins" at the end of his bed. Along the same lines of superstition, I have received an undue amount of comfort from the fact that the baby's due date is my grandmother's birthday. And we are finding out a year and a day after she died. It's amazing what you will hold on to when you really want something to be true!

I decided that since I am potentially pregnant, I wanted to see an expert about my depression, so I saw a psychiatrist last week. He said that he classified my current state of mind as "severe depression." (Well I could have told him that without the 2 hours of personal history.) He is changing my medication, and hopefully this time we can head off any post-partum depression. If I got worse than this I don't know how we'd make it. I've come to the realization that I should probably be on meds my whole life. I have tried so many of them that I was discouraged to think that I may never find one that works well enough without annoying or terrible side effects, but he rattled off a list of at least 10 that we could try. I want my kids to grow up with a momma who can cope with life, so I am committed to keeping up with the plan.