Waiting

I survived 5 days of bedrest. It sounds relaxing, but after 5 days of doing very little it can become very boring, especially since I was feeling fine. I did a lot of reading, some quilting, watched some movies, and even got addicted to a Nintendo DS game that should be illegal. Also, the chocolate truffles from Costco should be equally illegal.

I am hopeful that this IVF was successful. I have had several promising symptoms including profound fatigue and heartburn that went all the way up my esophagus, past my throat, and into my nose! I have started losing weight (despite being in bed eating truffles for 5 days). We will find out for certain on Wednesday.

We have had a lot of people tell us we will be having twins. My mother in law is certain, because as my father in law was dying he kept talking to "the twins" at the end of his bed. Along the same lines of superstition, I have received an undue amount of comfort from the fact that the baby's due date is my grandmother's birthday. And we are finding out a year and a day after she died. It's amazing what you will hold on to when you really want something to be true!

I decided that since I am potentially pregnant, I wanted to see an expert about my depression, so I saw a psychiatrist last week. He said that he classified my current state of mind as "severe depression." (Well I could have told him that without the 2 hours of personal history.) He is changing my medication, and hopefully this time we can head off any post-partum depression. If I got worse than this I don't know how we'd make it. I've come to the realization that I should probably be on meds my whole life. I have tried so many of them that I was discouraged to think that I may never find one that works well enough without annoying or terrible side effects, but he rattled off a list of at least 10 that we could try. I want my kids to grow up with a momma who can cope with life, so I am committed to keeping up with the plan.