The Day We've Been Waiting For!

Last night Marty and our home teacher*, Tom, gave me a blessing. In the blessing I was told that this is a righteous desire, and that the Lord will bless us with the strength and ability to care for this child. Receiving this blessing gave me a sense of peace and confidence.

We had an easy start this morning-- we went out to breakfast and then came home and had a nice chat until our appointment at 11. Marty got really emotional when he told me how much he wants to have a baby and for this to work. He's been waiting a long time for me to be ready to have a baby. In fact we had a real role reversal today because Marty was a pile of nerves and I was as calm as a summer day.

The transfer went well. We transferred 2 embryos. Dr. Petersen was an hour late because he was stuck in surgery, but once he got there it took about 10 minutes. He gave us the info about the embryos that only 2 had survived, and so there was no decision to make about how many to transfer. Dr. Petersen gave me a picture of the two embryos, which were at different stages of development.

He gave me two valium, and then set me up for the transfer. The embryologist came in with our vial, and had Marty and me doublecheck the name and birthdate on the vial were mine. Dr. Petersen put in the catheter really easily (it seriously took him only about 1 minute). Then he transferred the embryos through the catheter. After that they checked both catheters to make sure they were clear and no embryos were stuck in the catheter. All was clear, so he shook my hand and wished me well. He said, "Our thoughts and prayers will be with you." His orders are for me to "be a slug" for 5 days (not 2 as I had planned).

I laid still on the bed for about 30 minutes, and then they discharged me. While I was laying there, I had a sudden realization of how much I really do want to have this baby. Until now it has been just a theoretical, intellectual desire, but now it’s a real emotional desire and craving to hold and love a new baby. Being a parent is such a joy. It is so great to watch my kids grow and progress. They are so precious, even if they are difficult to deal with much of the time! I could write a list of 1,000 reasons why it is hard to be a parent, but none of them seem very important in comparison to the joy.

Our pregnancy test is scheduled for October 4th. Now the next hard part is waiting for 12 days!

Marty has been taking great care of me and is even making me my favorite Minestrone soup for dinner. He makes the absolute best minestrone. It smells so good! The kids are off at their cousins' and having a blast. I am sitting in bed thinking implanting thoughts. I have a new book, two magazines, and three movies on the TIVO, so that should get me through tonight!


*Home teachers are members of our LDS congregation (ward) assigned to visit our home every month and check on us and help us where they can. Marty also has families whom he "home teaches." It's like a safety net for members to be aware of what's going on with each other, and to allow members of the ward to step in and help when people need it

Tomorrow is the big day!

Marty and I were on pins and needles all day waiting for the andrology lab to call us with a time for the transfer tomorrow. By 2:45, we were worried they had forgotten us, so we called them! A little while later, Aaron from the IVF lab called and said our time is 11:00 am. That's a perfect time- we'll be able to get the kids off to school, and go out to breakfast before we hit the clinic. Aaron said they would give us a picture of the embryos and Dr. Peterson would talk to us about how many to transfer. Marty and I are pretty much set on two, unless he gives us some compelling reason to do more than that.

We have relatives helping us get the kids taken care of after school and for lessons/games on Saturday. My sister in law Joyce is going to take them overnight both Friday and Saturday nights. It's starting to sound like a vacation! Tonight Marty is going to give me a priesthood blessing. So it seems like everything is falling into place.

I know that there is a big chance that this may not work, since the odds are 40%-60% that it will work (depending on maternal age). So that leaves 40%-60% chance that it won't work. I would certainly be disappointed but it has not been a bad experience at all up to this point.

On a different point, Joseph has started to come around. The thought of having a baby in the family doesn't bring him to tears anymore. He can talk about it, and even smile at the idea.

They look "fabulous!"

The embryologist called us today and said that out of 7 embryos, 6 survived the thaw and are growing. He said they look "fabulous." He also reassured us that we would be able to refreeze any that we didn't need to use this cycle. Marty talked to him, and he felt a strong confirmation that this is going to work! I feel good about it too-- when we walked out of the clinic on Saturday morning I had a really strong sense that we had made the right decision. Keep up the +++++ vibes!

Ultrasound results and a big decision

We woke up Monday to some very interesting weather- hail, snow, rain, etc. It was however a beautiful morning. The east side of the valley was socked in with clouds so it looked like the sun was rising in the west over the Great Salt Lake. The air felt so crisp and clear. We took the kids to their Oma’s house, where she had “Oma pancakes” all ready for them. They love Oma’s pancakes and insist on having them every time they go to Oma’s to be tended. Going through the IVF process again has made both Marty and I feel extra tender towards Joseph and Caroline, realizing again what a gift and a blessing they are.

Saturday we had our appointment for our measuring ultrasound, and to decide how we want to handle the embryos- whether to go with the “2PN’s” or blastocysyts. The ultrasound went fine. Dr. Gottschall is a new doc that has recently joined this practice. She did my ultrasound and found that the endometrial lining is 10mm which means that we are ripe for the transfer and can proceed. She double checked my ovaries and found no cysts or anything that would cause us concern. So that worked out well. I’m already sick of the ultrasound machine. I told Marty as I was sitting there waiting with my bottom flapping in the breeze that I hate the ultrasound machine. I told him that he should have to undergo a prostate exam for each time I have to have these ultrasounds! I’ve had three already in the last two months. (Not counting the two ultrasounds to double check my mammogram results last week).

I found out the technical term for the early stage embryos finally- it basically means that these embryos are at the stage where the sperm and egg have joined and have begun to interact, but the cells have not yet begun to divide, in other words, there are two pro-nuclei cells, thus 2PN’s. Blastocysts are embryos that have reached the stage of 150-200 cells and the cells are starting to specialize as brain cells, heart cells, etc. I really wanted to talk to Dr. Carrell, who is the embryologist, because Marty and I had differences of opinion on which type of embryos to use. Marty wanted to use the blastocysts because they result in a higher pregnancy rate. I wanted to use the 2PN’s because there are more of them, thus a greater chance that at least two will survive the thaw. Dr. Huang (the reproductive endocrinologist) at first told us that we had to choose one or the other. In my mind and heart, I wanted to use the 2PN’s and then later, if we found that none survived, we could go to the blastocysts as a backup. Dr. Huang and Dr. Gottschall both felt that it was impossible to make a wrong decision, that either way would be okay. However, I insisted on checking with Dr. Carrell, who promptly agreed with my plan! I felt this was an answer to my prayers, and the promise that I would get the answers I needed when I needed them.

So the final plan is that we are going to take out 2 “straws” of the 2PN’s today (Monday) and let them start growing (That should be about 10 embryos). By Thursday we should hear from Dr. Carrell about how they are progressing. Whatever grows to blastocyst level by Friday will be what we have to choose from for the transfer. If none of embryos survive that long, we will thaw the blastocysts and use those for the transfer. If there are more than we need, we can refreeze them for a future attempt. We will find out on Thursday what time the transfer will take place on Friday.

Because we moved on to the next stage, the medication routine changed again. I dropped the Lupron shots and traded them for something worse- the progesterone shots. These have a two inch needle that has to go into muscular tissue, which is quite painful. It is 2 mg progesterone in oil. I’ve had three so far, and now I have three owie spots in my hips. I will continue taking this until the pregnancy test, and if that’s positive, I will continue until 10 weeks pregnant. I also dropped the Estrace (estrogen) back down to ½ pill twice a day. That will continue until the pregnancy test as well, and through the first several weeks of pregnancy.

So this week is the week we need prayers and good thoughts. Prayers that our embryos will survive the thaw, that they will progress well, that the transfer will be free of troubles, and that the following two weeks will bring a successful result.

The good news

As far as the clinical issues go, we have changed my medications as of Tuesday (1st day of Week 2). The current dosages are:

Lupron .05mg
Estrace 2mg 3 times a day
Prenatal vitamin

Marty is definitely not going out of town next week. He was able to work it out with the clients, whom he said were very understanding. Now we just need to get everyone else on board. It's challenging because we are so busy. Marty especially has so many people clamoring for his time and attention. He has had to turn down 2 church assignments for Saturday morning so that he can be there with me at my appointment. We both feel that he needs to be at that appointment. We need to have his priesthood there with us (not at a church assignment), and we need both of us to really listen for promptings and guidance.

The other good news happened yesterday. Last Saturday I had a screening mammogram based on my OB's advice to do it before I got pregnant. On Monday, they called me back and asked me to come in for a more comprehensive screening. So that had me a little nervous. I know that quite a few screening mammograms result in further diagnostic exams, but still, I was anxious that if we needed to do a biopsy or something it could throw off the IVF. Yesterday I went in for the followups. I had another mammogram, 2 ultrasounds, and 2 physical exams, and the general consensus is that it is "probably nothing." What a relief!

Saturday is the day we have our first ultrasound to see how we are coming along. Depending on whether we elect to transfer our 5-day blastocysts or our 1-day embryos, we will do the transfer at some point next week. I'm not sure I'm clear about when that will be in either given case.

Freaking Out!

We found out yesterday that Martin has to go out of town for work the week of the embryo transfer. I'm trying to keep it together because I just don't see myself doing this without him. He is really upset too, maybe even more than I am. He has to go from the 20th until the 24th. I'm thinking the earliest we will do the transfer is the 20th, so that puts him gone for the transfer, and the 48 hours of bedrest. My mom said she'd be willing to help, but she may be out of town that week too.

When Marty first told me, I was quite upset and the waterworks began to flow. However, after 24 hours to consider it, I have decided that we can do this. It's not even close to as hard as having a newborn, and we have gotten through that. We'll take whatever help we get, and deal with the rest. Joseph and Caroline can manage for themselves for a couple of days getting dressed and off to school. I will get someone to go with me to the transfer, even if it's not Marty. It's not ideal, but we will make it work.

The funny stuff

Marty has been having way too much fun chasing me around with a needle to give me my Lupron shots. It's funny to see the kids' reaction to the shots as well! It usually involves lots of gagging and cringing.

We decided last week that we needed to tell them what we are planning and hoping and praying for. We got mixed reactions. Caroline was thrilled and assured us that she will be, "really good at taking care of babies." Joseph came a little unglued and melted into tears. He doesn't like things to change. I take that with a grain of salt because he had the same reaction when we got a new couch. We reassured him that he was completely entitled to feel that way, and that we'd just take it a step at a time.

I am starting Day 1 of the cryo cycle today. I will change my drug regimin tomorrow to:

.05 ml Lupron
1/2 tablet Estrace twice a day
1 prenatal vitamin

This will last for one week, then on September 12, I will triple the Estrace (estrogen). On Saturday the 16th (at 8:00 am no less), I will go in for an ultrasound, and then I can consult with the embryologist about whether to use blastocysts or the earlier level embryos. Martin will be out of town, and we have soccer games, dance, and football games that day. I scheduled the appointment bright and early so we could be done on time to start that whole process. Then at some point during that week, depending on which types of embryos we use, I will experience the transfer followed by 48 hours of bedrest.

I appreciate all the love and concern of family and friends. It's not an easy thing to go through infertility treatment. The support and prayers of others makes a big difference.